Some Much Needed Riley-bashing!
by Lil Miss Giggles
Summary: Dedicated to Cal for reasons that are mentioned in the Author's notes. rated PG-13 for slight suggestions at the end of the fic.


Some much-needed Riley-bashing!  
  
A/N - This fic is dedicated to my friend and fellow writer Cal (that's his username, check out his fics, they're cool!) because I stooped so low as to write a B/R *chuckles* so I apologise, Cal and I hope you enjoy.  
  
"Please, Buffy, just one more chance!"  
"Riley, define the word 'No'."  
She watched as he thought for a second then answered her,  
"The negative answer to a question, denial or refusal, a negative vote, by no amount, not at all, it is not s--"  
"What, have you been reading the dictionary?"  
"... I was bored ..."  
Buffy stared at him in utter disbelief and he squirmed slightly under her gaze. He opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him with a wave of her hand,  
"No. Don't say it ... oh don't give the puppy-dog look! It doesn't work with me. The last guy who tried that is spending the rest of his non-existance in an ash-tray."  
"But Buffy, I--"  
"Listen, *Farmboy*, I said, no. N. O. No."  
He looked up at her, his eyes filled with a new hope as he said,  
"I love you."  
"I. Hate. You."  
"...I'm all you've got."  
"Riley, that's *Spike's* line! You really are pathetic, y'know that? You run away from Class Three HSTs shouting 'Mommy' and the number of even vaguely humourous one-liners you come up with I can count on one hand. You can never leave your shirt on and your hair needs a serious go-over by a proffessional - not your mom, a *proffessional*! She turned on her heel and stormed out of the frat house calling after her,  
"Oh, and next time you bump into Angel, don't even *bother* trying to fight back!"  
  
"Will?"  
Tara, Willow and Xander exchanged meaningful glances as they saw Riley approach. Willow did her best to act her usual self,  
"I heard that you and Buffy split-up--"  
"Oh thank *God*!" Xander looked around, Tara was sniggering, something he'd never thought she even knew the meaning of, and Willow was stifling a laugh. Then Xander corrected himself, "Oh, I forgot. God has nothing to do with this." He shrugged and turned his eyes back to his lunch.  
"Uh ... guys." All three Slayerettes looked up at him, almost angelically, and G I Joe continued,  
"Do any of you think I'm pathetic?"  
All shook their heads emphatically, and a chorus of "oh no." and "Never, not you." rose from their group. He looked at them for a moment and raised his eyebrows. They snapped,  
"Yeah, sorry, but you're just sooo--"  
Xander finished Willow's sentence,  
"Pathetic."  
Tara joined in,  
"And very sense-of-humour...*less*."  
Sniffing indignantly, Riley turned slowly and left. Willow chided Xander,  
"Xander Harris! Ever heard of 'tact'?"  
"A very wise person once said, 'tact is just another way of not telling the truth'."  
Willow nodded in understanding then Xander frowned,  
"Will, Tara. Promise me something."  
"Sure."  
"Anything."  
He turned to face them, a very grave expression on his face,  
"Next time I quote Cordelia, or stoop so low as to call her *wise* kill me very slowly and *very* painfully. Got that?"  
They giggled and after a few moments thought, he continued,  
"Infact, if I ever speak to either Cordy or Riley again. Shoot me."  
  
Riley wandered the graveyard. Alone. Usually he'd do this with Buffy, but as soon as she saw him leave the frat house she decided to take the night off - away from him. He froze as a twig snapped somewhere infront of him,  
"Spike if that's you I'm not in the mood."  
"Guess again, *boy*."  
"Uh ... Angel ... you can go away too ... shoo."  
The vampire stepped up infront of him,  
"No. You go."  
Riley shook his head vigorously,  
"No way!"  
Vamping out, Angel grinned and punched him. Hard. Riley's began to water and he called out, "Mommy!" Before trying to scramble away. Angel called after him,  
"Thanks for trying to fill my much bigger shoes."  
Buffy stepped out from behind a tree and immediately Angel's features became human again and he smiled. She stood, hands on hips,  
"How'd you know your shoes are bigger?"  
"Uh ... well I'm a size 9 and he's only ... you *do* know I'm taking about shoes, right?"  
She giggled,  
"Duh, what else? ... don't answer that." 


End file.
